Chapter 1 – Chronologically Feeling

Probably seems a bit odd that someone who has a blog titled Man, ALL the Feels would have a book titled Unemotional. However, it was a giant ride on the emotional struggle bus to get from the Unemotional state of my life to the Man, ALL the Feels part. To put it quite simply, I haven’t always been so ‘feely’. In fact, I have only been so for about 10% of my life. The chapters in this book are my best attempt to tell you about how all that played out.

I hope they help you or someone you know feel something as well.

Preface Thought:

Why is it that we can only open up to others completely, trustingly, emotionally via writing and song? Why aren’t we allowed to share our own humanity in the space of other humans?

Chapter 1 – Chronologically Feeling

Lots of stories start at the beginning, some fast forward to the end, but I honestly couldn’t tell you where this story begins or what will happen at the end of it all, so, instead, I’ll just tell you what I’ve learned from it and how that all came about.

For the first 30 odd years of my life, 10,657 days to be exact, I was incapable of entirely feeling pretty much anything – for myself or for others. I would underline the word entirely here if I was writing this to myself, because although I felt every emotion, I just couldn’t feel the whole spectrum of any emotion during that time. I mean there were always feelings, I just couldn’t really feel feel any of them if that makes any sense. I damn sure couldn’t share any of them with anyone else. The connection that I needed to do so, between my inner self and my cognitive/physical self, was just never established growing up. Or, there were things that maybe, more accurately, hindered that connection from being forged during my development. So I guess you could say in many ways I was spared, or I spared myself, from feelings growing up.

Feelings, however, are never something you want to be spared from.

Continue reading “Chapter 1 – Chronologically Feeling”

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