To Searsha

To Searsha,

I hope you relish the fight.


 

I suppose before I go any further I should explain who Searsha is, and why I’m writing to her.

Searsha is our unborn daughter. She is due to arrive July 31, 2017.

I’m am writing to her, because; well, it just seemed like a good idea.

This may also explain to some of you why I haven’t posted anything lately. In the last 6 months I’ve moved, got a new job (which is similar to my old job), started my own race company (www.appughlachian.com), found out we’re having a baby girl, and went under contract for a house.

So, yeah, it’s been a bit busy. 

But anywho…


 

To Searsha,

I hope you relish the fight.

When trying to come up with ideas of what to say to your future daughter, I suppose any idea is as good as the next there’s lots of things you could say, but you’ll never be able to say all the things you want to say, so, in that sense, I decided to steal the from the following thought I’d written down well over a year ago to elaborate on why I hope she one day learns to relish the fight too.

To me, the fight, represents a core part of who I am, and how I’ve arrived at the place I’m at today, so that’s part of why I hope she learns how to do it too.

It might not be the fight you’re thinking of though.

I’m not talking about giving my future female mini-me advice on how to beat people up (although I will advocate for self defense classes). I’m not talking about the kind of ‘I need to prove that I’m better than you’ fight, or the ‘I’m just going to punch you in the face because it’s fun’ fight, or even the ‘I didn’t pick up anyone so I might as well get in a fight tonight’ fight (all of which I’ve done before). But the kind of fight that takes a lot more to win, and a lot more to be good at.

It’s the kind of fight that occurs internally. The kind of fight that really matters.

I say the fight, because it’s not a fight. It’s not an actual act or an event, it’s THE FIGHT – a thing all it’s own. A thing that goes on and on inside you; that’s a part of you; that happens to you; and that you and you alone have to (for lack of a better word) fight.

It’s a fight with the one thing I think most people are most afraid of – themselves.

The fight, you see, is a confrontation of your own demons face to face. A stare down of your flaws, your failures, your shortcomings, your wrong turns, your dead ends, your everything. It’s going deep down into that darkness inside you, into that internal ring where those things are always waiting for you, and it’s acknowledging that you are the only thing that will ever be in your way (or that ever has been).

Most people shy away from that kind of fight, and for good reason.

It’s kinda like being in a black hole, the fight. You never know how far it will go or how long it will take for you to get out of it once you’re in it. The pull can even be scary when you’re just dancing around it. It’s like this feeling that pops up during the most terrible of self assessments when you’ve had far too much time to think, or when life is just really giving it to you from behind. A feeling eerily similar to the one you get when you think about how big the universe is, or how life started. Just this total mind fuck of a black hole that can suck you in and down and deep with no idea of what’s on the other side.

No wonder most people avoid it.

Hell, some people can even get caught up in it and never come out.

But what I want you to do Searsha, is to choose to jump right in, because whatever lies in that darkness you can overcome. You can overcome it because it is/was you, or you’ve created it, and you will be better off having gone through it.

You have to fight.

I know this, because I’ve been through the fight many times myself. Many more times than I would have liked to have honestly. I state this dislike for going through it (despite my plea for you to experience it), because if I’m in the fight it’s because something isn’t going right in my life and I know there’s some heavy shit I have to deal with. The only thing that’s comforting about being in the fight now is I know I’ll be better off for having gone through it.

But that’s why I want you to relish the fight Searsha, because it’s necessary for you to be a better you.

I won’t lie to you though, it will suck big donkey balls once you’re in it, but it’s better than pretending you don’t have any problems and avoiding the fight altogether. The people that do that have the most problems. The people that do that don’t get much better.

The fight is necessary, and it’s actually similar to a real fight; in that, those things that are inside you take on an almost ghost-like representation of you each time you go down there to combat them. They’re always challenging you; threatening the very idea of you. However, you can’t just punch these apparitions of yourself in the face and be done with them as you would someone in a normal fight (I’m assuming). In this scenario, you have to be able stand there and look these demons in the face and embrace them as you would yourself, because they are/were you.

That takes big balls.

Taking a punch from yourself is much different than throwing a punch at someone else. Any idiot can do that. But in the fight no one really wins, because both sides are you. Winning only comes from an acceptance and acknowledgement of your flawed humanity.

So I hope that you realize that being good at the fight is actually being good at not fighting yourself at all. Not running away from yourself, not ignoring your problems, not making excuses, not blaming others, not going halfway in and getting scared, not doing anything other than owning you. Because you are human, and that’s nothing to be afraid of.

In many ways I think you can tell the level of one’s maturity in life by the types of fights they have. An immature person fights others because they find it easier to project their fears and insecurities onto them (generally those who are accessible and most vulnerable); lacking the ability to have the fight within themselves first or to even a talk about their problems with others. A mature person, on the other hand, knows that most of their problems are their own; and even if they aren’t, they are able to freely admit their responsibility in whatever situation they’ve arrived in and are able to talk about their problems with others. Therefore, a mature person has no need to take out their aggression on anyone else. A mature person surrenders to their self first. An immature person makes war with others.

So that is why I hope you relish the fight Searsha, because those who don’t live in fear. Those who don’t make enemies of others for no reason other than they lack the courage to deal with their own shit. And there is no need for you to do that. There is no need for you to fear life or yourself. There is no need to fear anything other than fear itself.

Be fearless my dear.

Relish the fight.

Love, Dad.

searsha

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