An edited version of this post can be seen on the Elephant Journal website here.
Forget What You’ve Been Told. Haters Gonna Hate.
I’m tired of seeing all these articles out there listing the habits over thinkers/over analyzers have as if we’re some kind of nut jobs who just worry, worry, worry, think about useless stuff all the time, or do nothing but make up alternate realities in our mind. That’s not the over thinker/over analyzer I am, and it’s not the one I see in the many amazing like-minded friends I have. It’s time we set the record straight, and show the world why we’re so awesome! Of course, and why we make the best partners too. Besides, all we’re doing is using our brains. When did that become a bad thing?
- We Care
That’s right. There’s a reason we think about everything under the sun and the infinite different scenarios that may or may not be playing out in our tiny universes. It’s because we fucking care. A lot. There’s plenty of things we don’t think about, because we don’t care about them. In fact, we try to limit that which we do care about because we know how much time we will spend thinking about it. If you’re lucky enough to be one of those things that we do care about, you get the benefit of never having to wonder if we are thinking about you. We can’t help but not.
2. We Do Our Research
Mmmhmm. That’s right part deux. We are far too conscientious to go into the sack without thoroughly researching and arming ourselves with tricks and tips beforehand. The consummate reflectors, we are always refining our skills. Getting better and better with time. You want a giver, date one of us.
3. GPS Navigation Optional
Where yah wanna go? Doesn’t matter. We’ve got this shit covered. You wanna cross the border in a sketchy looking low rider? Sure, no problem. Whatever you want, wherever you wanna go we’ll find the fastest route, throw in some ‘hole in the wall’ restaurants, keep track of the nearest hospitals in case you catch Polio, and make sure the tires are inflated to the proper pressure so we get the best gas mileage. Not to mention, there’s not a traffic scenario in the world that we don’t have a plan for. We live for that shit, and will laugh at everyone else stuck in traffic as we make our smooth detour around them. Let’s put it this way, not only do I have a first aid kit, fire extinguisher, complete tool box, extra water, and reading material in my car, but I also have a self-cranking flashlight that never needs batteries. We were born for the zombie apocalypse, but will make pretty damn good chauffeurs in the mean time!
4. Should Something Ever Happen You Can Follow Them To Safety
Tagging along with number 4, should something ever go wrong in any way imaginable, don’t ask questions, just keep up. I’ve told many people I’ve dated that if something ever happens just take my hand and run. We overthinkers would never let anything happen to someone we love while we still have air in our lungs. As such, all disaster scenarios have been fully covered and escape plans stored in our ever active brains. Screw Jason Bourne, we are the lovechild of MacGyver and Rambo. Ok, maybe more the genetically engineered version. Don’t get it twisted, though, we are not like those doomsday preppers. No, doomsday preppers are the people we will bitch slap as we take all their shit and calmly drive away in the amphibious tour bus we stole.
5. There are No Elephant’s in the Room
You never have to wonder if something is on our mind, because it always is and we will always tell you. Hmm, that kinda sounds bad. Eh, still beats dating a coward who never has the guts to tell you what they really think or feel.
6. We Notice You. All Of You.
Ok, keeping things a secret from us may be a little difficult because we’re like fucking CSI detectives on meth, because we pick up on even the slightest of details that are out of the norm. But, we also take notice of you every day. We choose you every day even though we are well aware of every single flaw, shortcoming, and thing you try (unsuccessfully) to keep from us. We see you like no one else does. All of you. And, we have analyzed every bit of it and decided to stay. That is something you should never take for granted.
7. We Use Our Brain (And Our Heart)
Do you really want an under thinker or unanalyzer? Someone who couldn’t tell you a million reasons why they’re with you? Someone who hasn’t looked up how to tell you you’re beautiful in ten different languages? Someone who isn’t gonna think about you or try and find ways to be better for you and for themselves every day? If so, good luck with that. Looks will fade, boobs will sag, balls will get bigger, but we will never stop thinking or caring about you. So, holler when you need someone to help you analyze where you went wrong.
Special thanks to my over thinking/over analyzing friends Kathi, April, Lauran, and Lisa for helping make this epic list happen!